I have to escape from the death chamber: Taslima | Next stop

HER STORY: Taslima explains her mental trauma of being confined to a 'safe house' in New Delhi.

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By Taslima Nasreen

A day after she announced her decision to leave India, Bangladeshi author Taslima Nasreen told IANS of her mental trauma of being confined to a 'safe house' in New Delhi for several months in this email:

I used to call this the torture chamber. I gradually came to realise that it was the chamber of death instead. I was not even allowed to stay in hospital for long though the doctors felt it was necessary in order to stabilise my blood pressure.

But orders are orders and the government did not want to be inconvenienced by me in any way whatsoever. The government did not want the media to know I had been hospitalised.

I did not have my mobile phone with me and the doctors at the government hospital - AIIMS (All India Institute of Medical Sciences) - were instructed to discharge me after a certain period of time.

Curiously though, the decision was not left to the doctors as to what this certain period of time was to be. The last time I was admitted to this hospital a few weeks ago I was suddenly discharged as a result of governmental pressure. I am sure this was linked to a report in the Times of India, which stated I had been hospitalised.

At this undisclosed location I am neither allowed to go to a doctor for consultation nor is one allowed to come to me. I suffer from severely fluctuating blood pressure and the strange thing is that I was not even allowed to speak to any of the doctors at the hospital over the telephone. Even after repeated requests I was not given a single phone number.

When I was in hospital, I asked the doctors if I could call them if necessary but they said that they were not allowed to hand out their numbers. I had to make inquiries through officials to get even the simplest of answers from these doctors.

I have suffered tremendously both physically and mentally. My blood pressure is now impossible to control. The doctors say it is due to stress which I must avoid at all costs.

How can I not be stressed when everything is continuously stressing me out? I am brought to this place and incarcerated like some animal; my human rights (are) constantly and continually violated. I am not allowed to step out or meet anyone. How can I not be stressed? I received the extension of my resident's permit, but the status quo continued.

And because of the high blood pressure caused by stress, I developed heart disease (hypertrophy) and hypertensive retinopathy, both of which were diagnosed at the hospital. The hypertensive retinopathy will eventually cause me to go blind. The blood pressure, if uncontrolled, will destroy the heart, kidneys and eyes.

Prior to my confinement, my blood pressure had been under control and all my organs were in perfect condition.

After returning from hospital, I wanted to leave this country at the earliest as I knew I would never be free from stress here. I said I needed to go to Kolkata urgently to collect a few important documents and other assorted things, including bank cards, and to sign my tax papers. That too, just the basic permission to visit my Kolkata flat to wrap up my life there, was denied for security reasons.

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